Last night, I went to my last RESOLVE group meeting to officially say goodbye and read a letter we wrote to the group. Here is the letter I read last night, and I'm sharing it here for everyone out there in the infertility community.
My husband and I have been coming to RESOLVE meetings for a year now, and some of you here tonight are familiar with our story. But, honestly, it’s encouraging that there are so many new people here. Because that means that this group is growing each month with more couples taking the opportunity to share their stories and support each other.
We came to our first RESOLVE meeting in March of last year. Our infertility journey had started a year earlier and we were desperate to meet others who knew what we were going through. That first night, my husband did most of the talking because I was so nervous and I couldn’t speak about our journey without becoming really emotional. Tonight, I am hear to represent our family and he is at home with our new son through domestic adoption.
So, one last time, I’d like to share our story. My partner and I began trying to conceive in October 2009. We learned after a few short months of trying and one appointment with the fertility clinic that we were never going to have a biological child related to both of us. That day, April 15, 2010, was a turning point in our lives. The doctor told us that my husband had a condition called Sertoli-cell-only syndrome in which he produced no sperm. I was shocked and thought it was mistake. But it was confirmed when the doctor said, this is bad, and then asked us if he had a brother. After some soul searching, we began the process of donor sperm insemination in July 2010. We spent a grueling nine months and six IUI’s trying to get pregnant, with no success. We knew it was time to close the door on a pregnancy and move into adoption as our path to parenthood. After almost the same amount of time working on our home study, on January 30, 2012, we brought home a beautiful, healthy, baby boy.
RESOLVE gave us a place to have a voice as we made our way through this past year. Finally, we could be ourselves and not be ashamed of the feelings we had over the past couple of years. From the anger, to the jealousy, to the deep depression, to the hope, and the laughter through tears, we had a home with kindred spirits. Side by side, we have grown with other couples, found strength in our commonalities, and forged the deepest of bonds. I will greatly miss these first Tuesday's of the month, and our safe room where we could complain about family members, pregnant friends, and ridiculous doctors. These meetings helped us so much, and we will forever be grateful to them.
My husband and I can name every child that was conceived and born through our two and half year journey. My body has been through something I never thought it would have to go through, and my marriage has suffered greatly. We have come through it on the other end, but there is still much healing to do.
Even though we have to say goodbye and move into parenthood, we will think about all of you all the time. We hope our story gives you hope that happiness is possible and that this period in our lives is not permanent. Whatever path you choose, conceiving and pregnancy, choosing adoption, or if you decide that the love between you and partner is all you need in this life, we wish you all hope and peace as you resolve your infertility in your time and in your own way.