Monday, June 27, 2011

He Said...

This is going to be interesting for me. I'm looking across the dining room table at my wife (a set-up that we've recreated several times at various stages of this journey) and I'm wondering how this is going to work. She will be the first to tell you that I share way too much. Over the years, she has gotten pretty good at nudging me when I start to dominate conversations at dinner parties, or when I start over-sharing with the cashier at the grocery store. I'm just like my dad; I assume everyone wants to know what I'm up to. On the other hand, my wife is the queen of keeping her cards close. She was raised to be self-reliant and developed a deeply personal sense of independence; she assumes everyone should just mind their damned business.

As we both experienced the loss of infertility, we reacted in these same ways. I wanted to talk to counselors. I wanted to tell family. I was anxious to find a support group for male sterility. My wife had to pull me back, and I'm glad she did. Part of the need for privacy was to protect our own emotional health. Another part was that, if we had a child using donor sperm, we would need to be very careful about how we told his or her story to others.

Now that we've entered the world of adoption, we're beginning to open up a bit more. This blog is an obvious example of that, but there are others. I've told a few friends that we're adopting and she has followed suit by telling some of her friends and even a work colleague. And we both feel pretty good about it. In fact, it's empowering. I feel so much better to shrug off the depression and shame I felt as recently as two months ago. I know those feelings of loss will come back, but I excited about the chance to finally get some things off my chest.

So, what would you like to know?

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